i need to type up 2 papers for my writing class
4 papers for my shakespeare class
& study for my final multiple choice exam in psychology
all by next friday.
need i remind you, i haven’t attended any of my classes in almost 2 weeks..
i. am. so. fucked.
i ain’t about that college life.
i suppose things aren’t turning out quite well..
jason & i have come to the decision that adoption is going to be our final choice for our daughter most likely.
we just simply aren’t stable enough to take care of her.:\
it took both of us 3 months since we found out i was pregnant to land a minimum wage job, and now i can’t work because i injured myself, so i lost my job, making our income even lower.. we only have 3 month until she arrives, and i don’t think we’ll be able to get this apartment, a car, and all of the babies necessities and the apartment necessities as well, along with health/dental/life insurance & car insurance.
jason & i would barely be making enough money to live.
we don’t want our daughter to live in poverty.:\
so we both believe and both chose that adoption is a good choice.. she’ll be with a loving family, who’s stable and has been waiting her arrival for years. who’s prepared for a baby.
jason & i are not prepared.
i know this is going to break my heart, having to sign her away to another family, after practically 10 months of carrying her in my belly, feeling her move around.. holding her after delivery.. it’s going to break my heart. whatever happens, having this baby is going to change me as a person forever. i’m always going to be the mother of a child, somewhere. there’s going to be a void in my soul for a very long time.:\
but we’re doing this because we want our daughter to have a good life. we want her to be happy & healthy.
i love her so much.. & i’m going to miss her every day of my life..
but it’s what i have to do.. this might be a good learning experience for me. to better prepare myself for my next child later on in my adult life.. when i’m prepared to be a mother.
as of right now, i know i’m not.
i have to be strong, and do what’s right.
it’s all just been a very difficult process. i need support. i feel like a bad person every day i wake up. i only want to make the right decision..
i don’t want to mess up anymore.
i love you baby girl… i’m so sorry.:’[
It’s literally fucking impossible to be pregnant and comfortable at the same time.
you aren't quite 6 months. you're actually at your final week of 5 months. 23 weeks pregnant is the beginning of month 6, so you still have one week to go.:) but don't worry! you're more than half way there. congrats on the little girl.
awh, thank you! she is so beautiful, i’ll put a picture up soon.
my friends have been in the process of moving out of their apartment and into the one next door. so over the last few weeks i’ve been talking to them about possibly renting out the apartment they’re currently living in, and it was really hesitant and bumpy, unsure you know?
well, they just called me and told me that their landlord would like me to contact him tomorrow about the apartment since my friends are moving out relatively soon.
this is awesome news to me. i’ve been struggling to find an affordable place that’s close to home for so long & this is the lucky break i’ve needed for a looong ass time.
i’m just really happy that things are finally starting to turn around. my mom even offered to help pay our first month’s rent since jason just got his job and is starting the saving up process. of course we’ll have to pay her back, but this is such an amazing opportunity for us, and i’m so happy my mom is helping me with this because she knows how much it means to me.
i’m really excited to be getting on my feet. i’m really fucking happy that i was given this opportunity to not only live near my parents, but right next door to a good childhood friend, & living in an affordable home.
ughhh, i am just soo flippin happy.
These hugs are the best in the whole world, the one where you hug someone and everything just feels right and perfect and it’s just the most amazing feeling in the world where it’s comforting and just I have no words for these types of hugs. So much better than those crappy one-handed things that pass for hugs these days.
Soo looking at my horoscope, I’m a Leo (born August 1st) & my best matches are Gemini (Jason’s a Gemini: born June 19th) & Aries (my baby that’s due April 9th). Isn’t that cool?:] I’m more likely to get along a lot better with Gemini’s than with Aries but they’re both my best matches. I’m gonna have a pretty badass family. It’s kinda weird though. I don’t think I resemble anything close to a Leo, except my negative and positive traits, but I’m really not a leader or very creative. I’m philosophical and rational, lazy, and intuitive with people’s feelings, but I don’t know what to say or do to cheer someone up. But Jason is exactly a Gemini. I dunno, I was supposed to be born in July, so maybe that’s my fault. Who knows.lol
Is 22 weeks the beginning of 6 months? Because I’m 22 weeks and 1 day today.c: I’ll post a picture of my belly once I have an available computer since iPads are useless. But yeah, 22 weeks and 1 day today! Getting bigger and bigger by the week, nervous and excited. I’ll put up my ultrasound pictures too.:] being pregnant is so surreal.
woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
and just like that my entire day is shot.. I’ve never craved a cigarette the entire time I’ve been pregnant, but here I am, wanting a Marlboro red like a gaming junkie wants to kill zombies.
god damn it.
& today should be a happy day.. today marks 22 weeks pregnant.
i’m sort of nervous for my Christmas party with the family. I don’t want to be noticeable to anyone.
I feel like someone will find out though.
oh well, I guess we’ll have to wait & see.